I can talk. A lot. I'm not afraid to speak my opinions, and when I do I don't care if anyone else likes my opinion because my opinion serves one purpose, to make me happy. If I am happy with it, then that is all I need. :D
If I ever try to label myself as Shy & Quiet people will openly spew whatever they're drinking and laugh. It's that always talking mouth of mine that tricks them into thinking I am not shy & quiet.
Life for me the last 6 weeks has been beyond crazy. Life gets like that and I know with time Life will stop being this jettison ride and go back to some semblance of the normal I build for myself. I bring it up only to share a portion of the reason I have remained so steadily quiet. Crazy = Busy in my world. Busy does not equate to social for me.
It's who I am. < grin >
in many avenues of my life the last 6-8 weeks, there have been times where I gave no answer except to state, "I'll not discuss it."
When it is my responsibility to remain silent, or when it is my honor to remain silent, not God nor the Devil or any Ultimate Being could get me to reveal that which I do, or do not know.
For all intents and purposes, I am the best information retainer and I don't reveal confidences. If you, as a friend talk to me about something in your life, and then a third friend later asks me about it, I know nothing - even if you never stated or implied I should remain quiet. I do it anyway. It's my "Do unto others/Do No Harm" belief. It's me, honoring you.
It's who I am.
Basically what I am saying is, I reveal nothing despite what many would claim as a fact; I'm a big mouth. :D
When I received a particularly nasty lashing for a silence I maintained, I was yet again rolling my eyes. At first. Truth be told, so many people pitch huge bitches about their "right to privacy" and how websites, businesses, the interwebz as a whole and so forth, should never reveal anything about them, and then they will run to their nearest cluster of whomever's and demand the latest information on someone else they know.
Ever see someone who has busted a "so called" friend for talking about them 'behind their back"? It get's ugly.
The way I see things, people whine about privacy for themselves and utterly disregard those whines when they wish to discuss another persons issues, situations or life.
Those examples are part of the reason I keep so quiet. otherwise I'd be heard saying things like: "So letme get this straight, website should be burned to hell for selling your info that you put on the public internet to advertisers, but you demand copies of some politicians personal birth certificate? Well, that's not hypocritical stance of privacy eh?" If I say stuff like that, people think I am a bitch. People are right. lol.
So, I keep that which I learn of others, quiet. I don't always manage to maintain this personal Code of Honor. I slip. I gossip without thinking. But typically when I do, at some point after that, it hits me what I have done and I am ashamed. I dig in, and reassert my discipline to keep my Code of Honor. It's the best I can do, and it isn't enough, but I keep working to that day I no longer have to re-assert my Code.
Do you know the price I have paid for this silence ideal of mine? The sheer and utter Hatred, disgust, the public and private lashings because I refused to tell someone what they wanted to know just because they asked me? Groups of people have turned upon me at times, folks who once called me friend, complete strangers who only know that I refused to hand over the info they sought. It's been amazing.
When people meet me in real life, at some point they remark how "Insert nice, complimentary comments about me here" I am. I look them dead in the eye and say "No, I'm not those nice things. people just like me at first, and then later hate me with a passion because I don't back down on who I am."
Always the person who complimented me argues. Typically within a year, they are in the non-fan segment of "friends". < shakes head >
Combine my admitted silence when pushed with my innate ability to get up and work for anything, anywhere, because I love, believe and support it - and man oh man do people totally peg me wrong.
I do what I do to "be a show off", don't ya know. I only set out to "make others look bad", or "make myself look good."
Allow me to state this to every person who ever stated or thinks I look down on others. IF I have ever looked down upon you, it is only because you placed yourself so low on your own measurement scales. You and your self belief, or lack thereof, placed you where you stand - not I.
I don't stand higher then any living soul. I stand right here, where I am. Who I am. I look from my vantage point to where you, your choices, your life, your issues allowed you to place yourself. I don't judge you because I am no judge. In all honesty, I place my energies in this life to positive outcomes. I don't have time or energy to stand where I am, look at you and then proceed to judge your potential outcomes compared to some unset standard I don't have for you.
To those who claim I ignore them. Allow me to state that in order to ignore you completely, I must be immersed in you completely. See the above paragraph for where I immerse my energies.
To those who claim I patronize: No. My kind words, my pep, my unending belief that anyone can achieve anything they work towards is real. It's the realest belief you'll run into. It is a belief so ingrained into my soul that not even you can strip it from me. It is not patronizing to be kind, considerate, compassionate and to care. It's honoring YOU.
If you can't understand that, that is your issue and it does make me sad for you. Not patronizing, just a fact in my life.
I used to be one of the cruelest, unkind, cunts that walked the face of the planet. I was that way because once, I thought you had to be that tough to be strong. I was wrong.
I am a weak woman.
I am a person who will keep those secrets for no other reason then "Do No Harm/Do Unto Others."
I am caring, to a fault, because I believe in every persons ability to live in the potential of now and not the prisons of the past or the trappings of future.
I am nothing like most think, but I am just me. No More. No Less
It's who I am.