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I love to squeeze my boyfriend's pimples.


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Help! I'm in love with the little sister of my best friend. They live in the same house as me, so I see her almost every day. We talked about it and my buddy said that I should keep my hands of her and that he would quit our friendship if I tried dating her. I'm in a huge dilemma right now and I don't know what do do. We are best buddies since elementary school and I don't want to lose him but on the other hand I really would like to date his sister. She's super hot...


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Back in kindergarten there was this one kid I couldn't stand. His birthday was on the same day as mine so we always had to share our kindergarten birthday party. That annoyed me so much that I once pushed him off the swing. The swing was obviously still moving and hit him hard in the face. It broke his jaw.

When I now think about it I feel very sorry for all the pain I put him through just because his birthday was on the same day as mine.


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I confess that I take advantage of a rumor about me. 8 months ago, I bought a car - not a very expensive one. 
One of my colleagues asked me if I bought such an unobtrusive car because no one should see at first sight that I am rich. This joke soon turned into a rumor and now a lot of people think I am rich. I even incited to those kinds of jokes and I am amazed at how many people (especially women) are now interested in me. 
No one knows if I am rich or not but now I am able to hook up with every girl I want.


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I order a lot of stuff online. But not because I am a shopaholic or because I got the money but because of the mails I get. I don't receive any mails. I know own over 1000 blu rays. 

By the way I also like paying via Paypal because you get 2 mails.


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I stalk some strange girl on facebook. Currently I'm living in Germany but I'm from Wales. She's a German girl and one of the stupid ones. I could watch her profile on Facebook all day long because she's posting such bullshits, it's quite funny.
I sent her a friend request, she accepted it and now I can stalk her all day long.


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Just peed in the flower box of my neighbour. I don't regret it! It was a lot of fun! And the flowers also need some liquid...


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I work in a 24 hours shop mostly nightshift.
My boss is a complete retard. He thinks he's the coolest guy on earth and everyone else is a loser and he doesn't realize that he's the jerk. Altough it would be his duty to count the money and bring the earnings to the bank, he doesn't do it. He always instructs me to do that. But that's not my job!
He's such a lazy ass. And because I don't like him and because he thinks he can do what he wants I take cigarettes and booze each time before I leave the store. He won't notice it because I have to keep track of all books.


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A friend of mine flew to New York, shortly after the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11. Because I knew when he arrived in New York, I sent him a text message like: "Bush, Bomb, Attack, Terror" or something like that.

He was scared after the plane had landed and he tought be would get arrested.
But nothing happened.


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I just laughed at a guy in a wheelchair who got stuck in a gap in the street. He wasn't able to get out there by himself but I didn't help him either.


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Yesterday's evening I was on Omegle and was chatting with some woman. We had a lot of fun and talked about different stuff until we had super hot cyber sex. I`m only 14 years old and have never done this before, I told the lady on the other end that I`m a single father and 31 yo. 
The chat was very intense and to that time I thought that I totally would do it again. 
Then I went to the bathroom, passed the bed room of my older sister (she's 19 yo) and saw that she was also on Omegle, chatting with someone. 
While I was in the bathroom my sister annoyingly tried to enter the bathroom as well and as soon as I was out she stormed in. I took the chance and went into her room to play a prank on her.

That's when I saw it.
I was sex talking with my older sister the whole time....
Never again!!


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I am only able to fulfill my manly act if my girlfriend calls me "the machine".


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