I wondered what rainbows smelled like. Then it occurred to me that rainbows smell like misery and divorce because the little puffs of glitter would be a problem too. My hypothetical girlfriend/wife farts on me and then later on she would be pissed at me because she thinks I had a stripper in my lap. Which is why it sounds like a unicorn laughing because it knows I'm totally screwed no matter what I do.
Texas Republican Gov. Greg Abbott on Tuesday asked the State Guard to monitor a U.S. military training exercise dubbed "Jade Helm 15" amid Internet-fueled suspicions that the war simulation is really a hostile military takeover. The request comes a day after more than 200 people packed a...
This reminded me of the police officer who told me I'd be dead if I wasn't wearing my seat belt after he asked me if I was wearing one... I guess he wanted to make sure I knew that getting thrown though a windshield has the tendency of killing you.
Obviously I was wearing one because I'm not currently in the form of powdered rage stored within a cheap generic brand coffee can. I can't wait until people are no longer allowed to drive.
Seeing a comment like, "LOLOLOLOL..." use to irritate me. Now I just imagine shoving them into a bottomless pit that echos. (Laughing Out Loud Out Loud Out Loud Out Loud...) All the extra OLs just get quieter and quieter as they plummet deeper and deeper into the pit. So therapeutic. :7)
I lowered the divorce rate by convincing people that they shouldn't get married in the first place... I also ate the dolphin once I got to Europe because Flipper wouldn't shut the hell up. Which was the inspiration for my number one single, "I Ate a Dolphin Once". That proved there are over 500 million people who are really fucking stupid.