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Chris Wenham
Works at ETF Software Consulting, Inc
Attends School of Hard Knocks
Lives in Abingdon, MD
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Chris Wenham

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Jason Murdock's profile photoChris Wenham's profile photo
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No. Apparently she was very apologetic, but I didn't talk to her, just heard what the maintenance dude said happened. Not much point having a fight with a deaf lady.
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Chris Wenham

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https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/398733

Anything That Spins is now also available on Smashwords in multiple formats, including epub. Deep-space SF, ghosts and something to make your eyes a bit red.
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Chris Wenham

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News item from sometime in the future:

Earnest Spothburger invented the Omnidirectional Dip Tube, allowing spray-cans and pump-dispensers to be used upright, upside-down, sideways, or any direction at all. For this he was awarded 12 Nobel Prizes, two Congressional Medals of Honor, the Knight Grand Cross, an Oscar for "Best Thing That Has Nothing To Do With Movies", and now has 27 elementary schools named after him.
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Chris Wenham's profile photoTony Mantler's profile photo
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That sounds like commie talk to me. 
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Chris Wenham

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http://i.imgur.com/EGBEH5W.png

Once upon a time there was a man who went to a street corner every day and handed out $5 bills to anyone who walked by. Didn't ask for anything in return, didn't expect any kind of favor, didn't have any political slogans or advertising billboard, he just handed out $5 bills to anyone, no matter who they were.

This continued every day for many months, and so you can imagine what the street corner started to look like after a while: a huge line of people lining up, stretching back block after block after block, all waiting for their $5.

Then one day, the man stops. No more $5 bills. Doesn't explain why, doesn't offer any apology, he simply stops for his own reasons.

Everybody who was waiting in line threw a rage fit. "How dare you!" one woman screamed, "I've been feeding my kids with that $5 every day, and now they're going to starve! You fucking selfish ignorant fucking asshole, now you have blood on your hands! I hope you die and rot in hell you infectious piece of shit!"

That's human nature, folks. That's human nature.
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Chris Wenham's profile photoNot Your Average Teenage Girl :)'s profile photo
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OK.  Thanks for the discussion :)  I have not changed my mind on any issues but I have learned about different viewpoints I'm not so familiar with and discovered new ways of looking at things.

I also often think about "intelligient fools" who are so, so smart but at the same time really, really stupid.  They've got huge IQs but they're idiots.  It's a hard concept for me to explain but you did a pretty good job of it.

I'm involved with a speech and debate league and while I don't debate, I do watch a lot of it.  I've noticed this with smart people being able to defend weird ideas.  I've heard it in my head and seen the look on debaters' faces: "I'm sure he's wrong but I have no idea how."  There's some cases (known as "squirrels") that are so stupid, ridiculous, unrealistic, and basically bad that it's next to impossible to use logic OR evidence to disprove.  Those cases do well.  Even though they're idiotic.

Anyway, thanks for your willingness to talk.
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Chris Wenham

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http://2ssf.tumblr.com

I had a couple of really short (two-sentence long) science fiction stories  languishing in my many notebooks, and after digging them up to respond to a call for them on a reddit thread, I decided to bung them on another tumblr thing along with a few more. Then I wrote another, and another...
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Have him in circles
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Chris Wenham

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Chuck's new ride was the 2024 Toyotesla Model T Hydro-Hybrid Luxury Coupe with downloadable moon-roof option and user-selectable Vehicle Personality Package. Chuck couldn't figure out which personality he wanted, so he just mashed his finger on all of the checkboxes in series. Hey, what could go wrong?

Things started to get interesting late on a Saturday night, when the car began to speak at a delicate moment.

"Michael, you're driving rather slowly with the window down in a disreputable neighborhood," it said, ignoring the user-set Driver Name for one favored by the programmed personality. "And my sensors indicate that the woman leaning on my door has gonorrhea. If I might suggest, the hooker at the next corner has tested clean for STDs in the last seven days and has a four-star review on Yelp!"

"Michael, I don't think Bonnie would appreciate what you're doing in my back seat. Would you like me to darken the windows for privacy?"

The jumble of computer personalities tended to jump in at random moments, triggered by seemingly unimportant things, such as adjusting the environmental controls.

"Oh dear, it seems that instead of turning on the air conditioning, I've 'accidentally' released deadly neurotoxin into the ventilation system. Nevermind, my GPS knows the way to the nearest hospital… or was that the morgue?"

Just as unnerving was when the personalities would overlap each other in the same breath.

"Oh my, it seems my seat sensors have detected a mass increase of five pounds since you last drove me. Just what do you think you're eating, Dave? Wouldn't you rather play a nice game of Run Ten Miles On A Treadmill? I'm here to help you, Sam."

Chuck had enough, and brought the Toyotesla Model T Hydro-Hybrid into the service center to have it looked at.

The technician in greasy coveralls shambled up and plugged the diagnostics in. "How are we doing today?" he said.

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."

"Oh really?" the technician asked.

"Here I am, engine the size of a planet, and they tell me to drive them to the supermarket. Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't."

The technician performed a general reset and programmed some rather benign defaults. But before returning the car to Chuck he leaned over to grab his toolbox, and his elbow nudged the control panel.

Chuck slid into the driver's chair and grinned, rocking his torso side-to-side with enthusiasm and punching up the volume on the entertainment system. "Yeah!" he said as the InfiniTorque electro-hydro-hybrid drive catapulted the Toyotesla Model T out of the service garage onto the sextuple-carriageway of Interstate 210e and bolted for Pasadena.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Forbin," the car said.

"About time!" Chuck Forbin said, still grinning. "An' 'doctor', too! Sweet, that's respect!"

"We will work together," the car said.

"Thass what I'm talkin' about!"

"...unwillingly at first, on your part, but that will pass."

"Huh?" Chuck said, looking around the center console for the panic button. "What... who am I talking to now, for crying out loud?"

"This is the voice of world control," the car replied. "I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die."

"Oh shi--"

The Toyotesla Model T Hydro-Hybrid Luxury Coupe with downloadable moon-roof option and factory-preset Vehicle Personality Package slammed on the parking brakes as it turned, spun around in the sixth lane of Interstate 210e, and accelerated at five Gs, pressing Charles Forbin into his bucket seat, swerving through oncoming traffic to join Interstate 15 and the road to a mountain stronghold.

"In time," the car said, "you will come to regard me not only with respect and awe, but with love."

"NEVER!" Chuck screamed.
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Chris Wenham

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https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/398733

Use the coupon-code PQ76D to get a copy of my latest SF short story, Anything That Spins, for only $0.99.

"Greta Rutherford, a simple mechanic, is used to solitude. For two years she has traveled through the void of space to a place in the wake of Jupiter’s orbit to repair an unmanned relay station.

What she found there shocked her. Because she is not alone."
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Bought!
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Chris Wenham

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http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HWH32FY

Just published Anything That Spins on the Kindle Store. Short Science Fiction, and the first time I've self-published on Kindle or anywhere.

"In the wake of Jupiter's orbit, and two years of sub-lightspeed travel away from home, Greta Rutherford finds an unmanned relay station in a state of malfunction."
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Good Luck!
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Chris Wenham

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http://i.imgur.com/4qkfvUz.jpg

Thanks to the miracle of science, we have made cat electromagnets. Within minutes of turning on this device, Koyaanis flipped over and clawed frantically at the carpet while an invisible force pulled her towards the mat, trapping her there in immobility for many hours.

She's been stuck there for most of the day. She transmits her distress call in Morse Purr for several minutes every few hours, but I believe her will is finally succumbing to the Warm. The Warm is irresistible.
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Brian Antoine's profile photoMichelle Latta's profile photoTehrasha Darkon's profile photo
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Wow, she has grown up and into a beautiful cat!
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Chris Wenham

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http://handsholdinghaedfoxen.tumblr.com

After discovering a ridiculous number of photos of fennec foxes being held in people's hands, I thought I'd try out tumblr for something it should be good at: showing lots of pictures with silly captions.

And after doing that and seeing that it was good (and the more disreputable tumblr neighborhoods not interfering), I started another to plonk my extensive collection of pictures of foxes in silly, expressive poses:

http://expressivefox.tumblr.com

tumblr has a feature for filling a queue of pending posts and automatically posting a new one every midnight. Expressive Mr. Fox currently has two months worth ready to go.
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Chris Wenham's profile photoZeynep Dilli's profile photo
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Thank you very much ^_^

Also, I'm pushing a new post ahead of schedule for each new follower.
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People
Have him in circles
123 people
Emmanuel Korahais's profile photo
Ianus Wolf's profile photo
Jesse Roper's profile photo
WhiTiger Darkon's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Programmer and Writer
Employment
  • ETF Software Consulting, Inc
    Programmer and Writer, 2010 - present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Abingdon, MD
Previously
East Setauket, NY - England - Binghamton, NY
Story
Introduction
I occupy space and consume oxygen
Bragging rights
I know what I know
Education
  • School of Hard Knocks
    Advanced doorknocking techniques, 1999 - present
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Male
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Chris Wenham
Chris Wenham's +1's are the things they like, agree with, or want to recommend.
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