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Bonita Erasmus
Attended IMM Graduate School of Business
Lives in Johannesburg
158 followers|9,436 views
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158 people
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Business and Marketing Manager
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Marketing, Strategy, Innovation
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Johannesburg
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Professional Matchmaker: I make love happen!
Introduction
MatchVIP is a Relationship Specialist organisation. We offer a world-class dating service experience whilst creating real change in the lives of our members by assisting them to form healthy relationships through our Matchmaker and Life Coaching services.

Here's what some of our clients have to say about us:http://www.matchvip.co.za/MatchVIP/testimonials.html


We’re passionate about people and making a positive change in the lives of others. We’re here to improve the quality of lives! 

If you need any dating or relationship advice, be sure to read our dating service blog at http://blog.matchvip.co.za/


The key to our success:
Professionalism: A world class dating service experience from start to finish.
Safety: We run background checks on all members (ITC, Criminal Check, Marital Status).
Confidentiality: All information received is treated as highly confidential.
Qualified Professionals: Interviews conducted by trained professionals only (Matchmaker or Life Coach). Read more about us here:
http://www.matchvip.co.za/MatchVIP/about-us.html

Technology: Modern technology effortlessly facilitates daily administration, database management and introductions.

We’re advocates of love and healthy relationships.
For more infomration visit www.matchvip.co.za
Bragging rights
Under the leadership of Bonita Erasmus, MatchVIP has evolved to be the leading Relationship Specialist organisation in South Africa. The business is run intelligently with a flat organisational structure that fosters innovative thinking. Bonita firmly believes that it is her passion for people, as well as her credibility that has lead to MatchVIP's successes. One of her greatest achievements includes an engagement after only six months by the first couple she ever introduced - a good business omen by any standards. "I believe in love at first sight (although I also believe it only happens to a handful of very lucky individuals) and I love it when love happens naturally at the gym or coffee shop. But in today's complicated environment people live past each other. We're here for when those chance encounters just haven't happened yet."
Education
  • IMM Graduate School of Business
    Marketing Management and Business Studies, 2006 - 2011
  • Matchmaking Institute
    Matchmakers Training Kit, 2009 - 2009
  • AAA School of Advertising
    Brand Management, 2003 - 2004
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Home
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Phone
072 582 4345

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Stage 4 Of A Relationship: Working Towards A Common Future  

This stage of a relationship naturally progresses as time goes on but you will know that you’ve reached this phase of a relationship as soon as your discussions become more about ‘we’ and ‘us’ than ‘me’ and ‘you’.

You will naturally start making important life decisions more dependently of each other, or more collectively, thereby working together towards longer term goals as you have now already established that you would like to be with one another.

It is at stage 4 of the relationship when a couple naturally settles into the relationship and start resolving conflicts or differences in opinion for the longer haul.  Love becomes more decisional and less romantic as the infatuation you had with one another will start to wear off.  The good news is that you have now developed a mature and stable love and respect for each other.  This is where the real love begins as your expectations of what you can get out of this relationship turn into what you can give this person that you love and cherish to dearly.

You see you cannot reach stage 4 of a relationship if there isn’t complete and total trust and a desire to make each other happy whilst working towards the same common goals in life.  Here is where you make a team: The two of you against the rest of the world.

It is also at this stage where most people get engaged.

If you haven’t reached this stage within 3 to 5 years of a relationship then the chances are that you probably never will.  This may be due to many someone in the relationship being extremely selfish and placing their needs above all else, or one of the parties in the relationship may just be emotionally dysfunctional (substance abuse, physical abuse, etc.) or non-committal for whatever reason.

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2014/03/25/stage-4-of-a-relationship-working-towards-a-common-future/
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Bonita Erasmus

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"Love is in the air... Every sight and every sound..."

Congrats to W & J who have decided to stop dating and go solo with each other...  We wish you guys all the best and hope to never hear back from you again!! :)
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Yet another happy client;

"Thank you MatchVIP for a superb job done! I met the love of my life on the first introduction Bonita sent me on. Having previously been married for 18 years she provided professional advice and guidance throughout the entire dating process. This has been a lovely experience and definitely worth every Rand spent!" - R.S.

http://www.matchvip.co.za/MatchVIP/testimonials.html
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Bonita Erasmus

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What's your story?

The Role Our Past Plays In Relationships

We do not realise how much our past experiences, including our childhood, parents and past relationships affect the rest of our lives (if we let it).

By this I am not saying that we get to blame others for the way our lives have turned out, but it does play a significant role and it is therefore important that we are aware of this in order to make a positive change for the rest of our lives.

We have deep and distinctive preferences for certain types of life partners. Some of these preferences are conscious such as physical features, the sound of their voice, their touch, etc. Other features that draw us to a person are subconscious and start forming as a child such as your father’s sense of humour or perhaps your mother’s wit.

By the time you’re a teenager you’ve consciously and subconsciously formed a rather detailed list of what you find to be attractive. That’s why most people have a ‘type’ of person that they are attracted to. These make us fall in love with one person rather than another.

We also tend to fall in love with people of a similar economic background, social status, someone that is roughly the same age, has similar levels of attractiveness and intelligence and the same values and outlook in life. So we have a desire to date someone who is quite similar to us, or in some cases people are attracted to someone who is a little different, but indeed someone that you would like to be – so a romanticised self.

Research has also proven that we tend to be attracted to people who look similar to us or have similar facial features. Or even someone who looks like a familiar family members. Have you ever noticed how similar sister-in-laws look in some families? So we are also attracted to what is familiar to us. What feels safe to us.

This doesn’t just reflect on physical features but also pertains to people who behave in ways that are familiar to us. For example, if your father was an alcoholic, you would more likely be attracted to an alcoholic partner. This is not because you find this person to be attractive but his behaviour is familiar and it therefore makes you feel safe.

If you had an absent minded parent, you are probably more likely to be attracted to an emotionally unavailable partner. This is not because you want to be treated badly, no, you are unconsciously recreating a past, familiar pattern for yourself.

The majority of us become adults with at least some form of unhealed childhood wound. There are so many experiences that can damage our sense of self, especially as children. Abuse in any form, neglect, rejection, superficial families, humiliation, extreme punishment, ridicule – these will all affect your future relationships if you let it.

By taking cognisance and making your conscious aware of the patterns you are forming in your relationships you can start to control your actions. By creating awareness you can start to break this pattern and create a new life and relationship pattern.

You have the power to create a life that you deserve – but you have to believe you deserve it first.

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2013/12/03/the-role-our-past-plays-in-relationships/
Photo: What's your story?

The Role Our Past Plays In Relationships

We do not realise how much our past experiences, including our childhood, parents and past relationships affect the rest of our lives (if we let it).

By this I am not saying that we get to blame others for the way our lives have turned out, but it does play a significant role and it is therefore important that we are aware of this in order to make a positive change for the rest of our lives.

We have deep and distinctive preferences for certain types of life partners.  Some of these preferences are conscious such as physical features, the sound of their voice, their touch, etc.  Other features that draw us to a person are subconscious and start forming as a child such as your father’s sense of humour or perhaps your mother’s wit.

By the time you’re a teenager you’ve consciously and subconsciously formed a rather detailed list of what you find to be attractive.  That’s why most people have a ‘type’ of person that they are attracted to.  These make us fall in love with one person rather than another.

We also tend to fall in love with people of a similar economic background, social status, someone that is roughly the same age, has similar levels of attractiveness and intelligence and the same values and outlook in life.  So we have a desire to date someone who is quite similar to us, or in some cases people are attracted to someone who is a little different, but indeed someone that you would like to be – so a romanticised self.

Research has also proven that we tend to be attracted to people who look similar to us or have similar facial features. Or even someone who looks like a familiar family members.  Have you ever noticed how similar sister-in-laws look in some families? So we are also attracted to what is familiar to us. What feels safe to us.

This doesn’t just reflect on physical features but also pertains to people who behave in ways that are familiar to us.  For example, if your father was an alcoholic, you would more likely be attracted to an alcoholic partner.  This is not because you find this person to be attractive but his behaviour is familiar and it therefore makes you feel safe.

If you had an absent minded parent, you are probably more likely to be attracted to an emotionally unavailable partner.  This is not because you want to be treated badly, no, you are unconsciously recreating a past, familiar pattern for yourself.

The majority of us become adults with at least some form of unhealed childhood wound.  There are so many experiences that can damage our sense of self, especially as children.  Abuse in any form, neglect, rejection, superficial families, humiliation, extreme punishment, ridicule – these will all affect your future relationships if you let it.

By taking cognisance and making your conscious aware of the patterns you are forming in your relationships you can start to control your actions.  By creating awareness you can start to break this pattern and create a new life and relationship pattern.

You have the power to create a life that you deserve – but you have to believe you deserve it first.

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2013/12/03/the-role-our-past-plays-in-relationships/
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Have them in circles
158 people
Carlos Shelton's profile photo
Dave Bakker's profile photo
David Spurrett's profile photo
WritetoGOD Gauteng's profile photo
Jonathan Kapelus's profile photo
 
 
Qualities To Look For In A Partner: INTEGRITY

I will be looking at a very important subject over the next couple of months. The topic is qualities to look for when choosing the right partner for ourselves. I am proposing that there are at least 6 non-negotiables that should be included in our list of Must Haves & Deal Breakers before we take a relationship to the next level of commitment. Without these the relationship will probably be dissatisfying, frustrating and even unhealthy.

As with all areas of my coaching I’m adamant that we look at ourselves first before insisting that our partner has these qualities. If we don’t have the necessary qualities ourselves then we are most likely not relationship ready anyway. The elements that I will be highlighting are not the superficial aspects that make us look twice at a person (beautiful eyes), not their personality (friendly) but the more important character traits that are necessary for a relationship to stand the test of time…..happily!

I have chosen integrity as the first part in the Qualities Series for good reason. Without it there just isn’t a relationship worse pursuing and investing in. So, let’s look at integrity. What is it? Why is it important? How do we develop it?

What is Integrity?

According to Wikipedia: Integrity stems from the Latin adjective integer ,which in this context means “whole and complete” and is derived from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. Those having integrity would be judged on the extent to which they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.

Synonyms: honest, upright, sincere, unimpaired, etc.

Antonyms: dishonest, deceitful, immoral, untrustworthy, etc.

Why is Integrity Important?

Your integrity determines your reputation. Not telling the truth, playing games or making promises you have no intention of keeping is the most significant way that people ruin friendships and couples kill affection, build resentment and destroy intimacy.

How do we develop Integrity?

By building and improving characteristics such as:

humility,
confidence,
self-esteem,
assertiveness,
the courage of your convictions,
strength of character,
responsibility & reliability,
openness & transparency.
Also:

identify your core values,
analyse your behaviour,
practice changing your behaviour,
enlist the help of friends or a coach.
I once coached a businessman who was having problems in his relationship. I decided that it would be a good idea for us to look at whether he and his partner were in fact compatible and whether his loved one had the qualities that were important for their relationship to work. She did! But then I asked him if he did. He didn’t! When I asked him whether he was trustworthy he said: I don’t lie but I sometimes withhold the truth. That’s not lying is it? Wow! What a scary thought. His idea of integrity was totally different to his wife’s and this was clearly a problem, and would continue to be as long as this disconnect remained.

If you are lacking in this area then work on your integrity and you can expect your partner to have this quality if you are seeking out a satisfying relationship. Trust me when I say that this is a must for any relationship of substance!

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2014/03/04/qualities-to-look-for-in-a-partner-integrity/
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Blog Post:
Sexual Chemistry

Loving Relationships = Sexual Chemistry + Emotional Intimacy + Commitment

The final factor in the loving relationship equation is sexual chemistry.  It is the reason why we are attracted and physically resonate (connect on the same frequency) with some people and not with others.  It is an overwhelming urge to be close to and to touch another person.  It is like an electric current running between two people. You are attracted to the way they look, feel and even smell.  Chemistry can be short-term lust but can also become stronger over time and develop into a very satisfying relationship.

Because of the potential ramifications (depression, guilt, low self-esteem, HIV/STI’s, unwanted pregnancies, etc) of a bad choice of sexual partner we have to take sexual chemistry seriously and act responsibly and maturely.

The prolific romance writer Dame Barbara Cartland once wrote: “Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”

I don’t believe that this is strictly true and is an old-fashioned and stereotypical perspective of gender roles but never-the-less, the notion of a correlation between sex and intimacy (love) is true.

Those in the know have an interesting finding.  Neuroscientists have discovered that the same area of the brain is activated during the lust/love process:  the striatum; although different parts of the striatum are activated for lust and love; so it’s not the same thing but intimately connected.  And the result can be confusing as most of us don’t have the skills to be able to interpret our feelings accurately enough to know the difference, at least at first.

 Is it love or is it lust? 

 I’m proposing that the reason for lust (desire) to develop into love is openness to the commitment process.  Meaning that IF a person actually wants to commit then there will be greater motivation to connect on an emotional level and thereby develop into a loving relationship than if a person’s intention is casual or non-committal. 

Instant vs Gradual Attraction

 Today’s world revolves around instant gratification.  This thinking and behaviour is played out in the myth that we have to be instantly attracted to someone for them to be The One; and if we don’t feel this way then there must be someone better out there.  This is not the truth and quite an immature and romanticised view of reality. 

 I recently met a man whom I did not feel an instant attraction for but after about a month of dating I started to see him differently and looking back I think it was more about the fact that he didn’t fit the usual mould of my “type” (his age, height, culture, etc.) and not that I wasn’t attracted to him; which as it turned out, I was.

 Why is sexual chemistry important?

Sexual chemistry keeps the attraction in a relationship alive.  Sexual chemistry has to exist between you and your partner in some form in order to distinguish your relationship from a friendship. You have to be attracted to a person in order to be motivated to stay in a relationship. It is not something that can be faked or created.

 In conclusion, I think it is safe to say that sexual chemistry is important but that without emotional intimacy and commitment the relationship cannot be defined as a relationship of substance. 

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2013/12/18/loving-relationships-part-3-sexual-chemistry/
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Bonita Erasmus

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A true story re a Life Coaching client:

Live The Life You Deserve

I met *Jack (age 48), at a conference. When we swopped war stories, including what we do for a living, he immediately indicated a need to be coached. I get this often :)

Jack started a 12 week Life Coach series. During the goal-setting session he chose 3 goals to focus on: EQ; relationships and work. Although a successful company director, Jack was risk adverse, cautious and lacking in confidence when I met him. But during the 3 months we worked together, I saw a remarkable change in him.

We focused on overcoming his fears, starting with his fear of intimacy and vulnerability. I shared my own fears with him and together we completed practical exercises in how to overcome this significant barrier to his happiness and fulfillment. Jack became bold and confident which further positively influenced all his goals both personally and professionally.

At the end of the series Jack had this to say: “For the first time in my life I feel like I am truly living. Thank you Robyn.” I can’t say who benefited more from the coaching process, Jack or I, so thank YOU Jack!

We all need to take that first step if we want to lead the life we deserve and that takes courage. If you would like us to assist you, please contact MatchVIP at info@matchvip.co.za or 072 582 4345.

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2013/11/05/live-the-life-you-deserve/
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A true story re a Life Coaching client:

Live The Life You Deserve

I met *Jack (age 48), at a conference. When we swopped war stories, including what we do for a living, he immediately indicated a need to be coached. I get this often :)

Jack started a 12 week Life Coach series. During the goal-setting session he chose 3 goals to focus on: EQ; relationships and work. Although a successful company director, Jack was risk adverse, cautious and lacking in confidence when I met him. But during the 3 months we worked together, I saw a remarkable change in him.

We focused on overcoming his fears, starting with his fear of intimacy and vulnerability. I shared my own fears with him and together we completed practical exercises in how to overcome this significant barrier to his happiness and fulfillment. Jack became bold and confident which further positively influenced all his goals both personally and professionally.

At the end of the series Jack had this to say: “For the first time in my life I feel like I am truly living. Thank you Robyn.” I can’t say who benefited more from the coaching process, Jack or I, so thank YOU Jack!

We all need to take that first step if we want to lead the life we deserve and that takes courage. If you would like us to assist you, please contact MatchVIP at info@matchvip.co.za or 072 582 4345.

http://blog.matchvip.co.za/2013/11/05/live-the-life-you-deserve/
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