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Bike Commuter Cabal
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Shadow Conspiracy
Shadow Conspiracy

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National Bike Month and Bike to Work Day Celebrations
Official Guidance for Observing and Adopting

May is National Bike Month in the U.S., and the procession of regional Bike to Work Day celebrations has begun. As the principal worldwide regulatory and oversight body for bike commuting and transport cycling, the Bike Commuter Cabal is issuing this guidance in order to clarify benefits, identify obstacles and issue formal recommendations in the areas of bike commuting and transport cycling. Acknowledgement of this guidance fulfills the current rider annual refresher requirement as well as the new rider orientation requirement.

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After careful consideration of all relevant factors, the Bike Commuter Cabal has determined current riders should STOP RIDING IMMEDIATELY and prospective riders SHOULD NOT ADOPT A BIKE COMMUTING OR TRANSPORT CYCLING LIFESTYLE.

Detailed analysis and statistical review of the subject matter revealed three principal reasons not to adopt a bike commuting or transport cycling lifestyle: Exertion, financial impact and social standing. Details of these findings are as follows:

1. Exertion. Pedaling a bicycle requires human effort, which translates to exertion and an elevated heart rate. The Bike Commuter Cabal conducted an analysis of alternatives and has determined riders and prospects seeking an elevated heart rate should consider either or both of the following:

A. Sit down, preferably on a comfortable item of furniture, such as a couch, and remain there indefinitely. While the necessities of modern life will require rising from the couch periodically, the former rider or prospect should return to the couch as soon as possible following fulfillment of extraneous requirements.

B. Drive a motor vehicle to a contemporary 'quick meal' dining establishment, order a large 'value meal' and consume it quickly. Repeat every three hours.

For the optimum heart rate elevation effect, combine A. and B., above.


2. Financial impact. The Bike Commuter Cabal's survey of current bike commuters and transport cyclist shows that riding a bicycle even occasionally accelerates human metabolism, paradoxically causing both increased appetite and weight loss. Consistent and persistent adherence to this lifestyle will have a negative impact on the rider's personal finances in two areas:

A. Food and beverage. A bike commuter or transport cyclist lifestyle adherent will experience an elevated requirement for nourishment as energy from food and beverage (including alcohol) is expended in the act of pedaling the conveyance. As such, the active bike commuter or transport cyclist will be forced to spend more money over time than a non-adherent in these areas.

B. Clothing. The regular, or even casual bike commuter or transport cyclist will experience an increase in body fitness, as well as an accompanying loss of body weight. If taken too far, or practiced for too long, this weight loss will eventually have the effect of making the rider's clothing too large, too loose or too baggy as the body shrinks. Social impacts of wearing ill-fitting clothing aside (see #3, below), the rider will ultimately incur a large financial penalty as he or she is forced to spend money on a new, smaller wardrobe. Adding insult to injury, smaller bodies fit into more 'fashionable' clothes, adding a premium onto acquisition costs.

Extrapolation modeling over average lifetimes projects bike commuting and transport cycling lifestyle adherents will see their share of income dedicated to expenditure categories outside salami, crackers, canned fish, beer, bicycles and bicycle parts/tools shrink logarithmically until those fortunate to live long enough are forced to sell all unrelated possessions and move into sheds or group homes with other elderly adherents, with a significant percentage living permanently on their bikes as transients.


3. Social standing. Current studies have shown that the resurgence of bike commuting and transport cycling over the past decade is a resounding failure and is completely over. This is largely due to a secret government program, first implemented in the 1990's and currently ongoing, in which every driver is imprinted with negative opinions about cyclists. This program involves government agents, on bicycles and dressed as 'cyclists,' shadowing their assigned drivers, sometimes for years, learning their habits and gauging their stress levels until, at the moment of greatest psychological vulnerability while safe inside a motor vehicle, typically while distracted in heavy traffic or running late and gunning it on yellow, the agent cycliste would reveal himself in such a way as to create a minor and temporary inconvenience for the driver. The outcome of such a complex equation invariably results in an overreaction by the driver so large that it is permanently recorded in the driver's iconic memory, associating all cyclists forever hence with that act of mild inconvenience.

This program has been wildly successful. Atomic scientists at CERN in Geneva, Switzerland have recently determined the shortest measurable interval of time in the known universe is that between the moment an imprinted driver hears or reads any story involving cycling or implementation of cycling facilities in the roadway, and the moment said imprinted driver will regurgitate the story of their imprinting and why all cyclists are menaces and should be brought to heel.

As such, the pervasive and persistent presence of imprinted drivers renders all activity surrounding the bicycle as a concept at best deviant, typically socially unacceptable, and at worst grounds for total social isolation. In such an environment, the benefits bike commuting and transport cycling provide to one's health, well-being, mental state and independence, and the reductions they evidence in traffic congestion, environmental harm and road wear and tear do not outweigh the opinions of strangers.


In conclusion, the Bike Commuter Cabal strongly discourages any and all from continuing or adopting a lifestyle including regular, or even occasional bike commuting or transport cycling. Modern society has normalized behaviors encouraging conformance to the motor vehicle as the only approved conveyance, as well as those that tend to shorten life through inaction. Most importantly, society no longer deems obesity or idle indulgence to be shameful, in fact quite the opposite, as those formerly seeking a strenuous, fit and extended life on the bicycle are now viewed as the shamefully self-indulgent. Rather than be sad at this modern turn of events, former riders and prospects should rejoice in the knowledge that they may spend their days indoors, relaxed and focused on the pressing device-oriented virtual pursuits of the day.

If you have questions or comments regarding this guidance, please contact the Bike Commuter Cabal.
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Shop is Closed

thanks for all who placed an order.
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UPDATE: ALL DESIGNS HAVE MADE MINIMUM
URGENT: MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVED A CONFIRMATION EMAIL FROM THE BCC STORE

If you did not receive a confirmation email, we DO NOT have your order in the system! Please check because we don't want anyone to miss out.

Also, there is still time to get your order in. 
All orders must be placed by Noon, EST, Sunday March 6.

http://www.bikecommutercabal.com/shop/

Each design needs 10 orders in order go into production. The current sales by design are:
Argyle: 10
Lava Lamp: 6 (+ 4 Bottoms)
Patches: 8 (+ 2 Bottoms)

The bold and fine print:
This is a pre-purchase program. The moderators are coordinating the effort, but we plan pricing to cover cost + shipping and do not make any money off this. We will give a full accounting to any purchasers who want to see the receipts after the jerseys are shipped. Any small overage we may incur will be used to support the costs of the website. 

Delivery of your purchase usually happens about 6-7 weeks after the store closes. So we are hoping to have everyone's purchases to them around the beginning of May.

Last year we were able to ship to all our Cabalistas living outside the USA without incurring any additional import duties or VAT. We expect to be able to do it again, but we do not guarantee the behavior of your government's customs agency.
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UPDATE: WE ONLY NEED 4 MORE ORDERS TO MAKE MINIMUMS ON ALL ITEMS

DON'T MISS OUT - ORDER NOW!

The BCC store is now open for spring pre-sale of selected jerseys, shorts, knickers and tights. All orders must be placed by Noon, EST, Sunday March 6.

http://www.bikecommutercabal.com/shop/

Each design needs 10 orders in order go into production. The current sales by design are:
Argyle: 7
Lava Lamp: 6 
Patches: 8

A note about bottoms: Those of you who have been in on this before know that we can apply orders of bottoms (shorts, bib shorts, etc...) to the jersey minimums. The application of these will be in the following priority: 1 - To the same jersey in the order; 2 - To the jersey closest to making minimum. But don't rely on bottoms, we really need to pick up the pace of our jersey orders.

UPDATE: with current orders of bottoms, we just need 4 more orders OF ANY ITEM, BOTTOMS INCLUDED to make minimum.
Encourage your friends to get in on this!

The bold and fine print:
The pricing we offer depends on a minimum order of 10 jerseys per design. If you pay for a jersey that does not make the minimum, you may switch to a different design or receive a refund. So far, we have never missed a minimum order, but it has been very close. So to ensure your jersey gets produced, get all your friends to buy one also!

This is a pre-purchase program. The moderators are coordinating the effort, but we plan pricing to cover cost + shipping and do not make any money off this. We will give a full accounting to any purchasers who want to see the receipts after the jerseys are shipped. Any small overage we may incur will be used to support the costs of the website. 

Delivery of your purchase usually happens about 6-7 weeks after the store closes. So we are hoping to have everyone's purchases to them around the beginning of May.

Last year we were able to ship to all our Cabalistas living outside the USA without incurring any additional import duties or VAT. We expect to be able to do it again, but we do not guarantee the behavior of your government's customs agency.
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DON'T MISS OUT - ORDER NOW!

The BCC store is now open for spring pre-sale of selected jerseys, shorts, knickers and tights. All orders must be placed by Noon, EST, Sunday March 6.

http://www.bikecommutercabal.com/shop/

Each design needs 10 orders in order go into production. The current sales by design are:
Lava Lamp: 5 
Argyle: 5
Patches: 3

Encourage your friends to get in on this!


The bold and fine print:
The pricing we offer depends on a minimum order of 10 jerseys per design. If you pay for a jersey that does not make the minimum, you may switch to a different design or receive a refund. So far, we have never missed a minimum order, but it has been very close. So to ensure your jersey gets produced, get all your friends to buy one also!

This is a pre-purchase program. The moderators are coordinating the effort, but we plan pricing to cover cost + shipping and do not make any money off this. We will give a full accounting to any purchasers who want to see the receipts after the jerseys are shipped. Any small overage we may incur will be used to support the costs of the website. 

Delivery of your purchase usually happens about 6-7 weeks after the store closes. So we are hoping to have everyone's purchases to them around the beginning of May.

Last year we were able to ship to all our Cabalistas living outside the USA without incurring any additional import duties or VAT. We expect to be able to do it again, but we do not guarantee the behavior of your government's customs agency.
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STORE OPEN FOR SPRING PRESALE

The BCC store is now open for spring pre-sale of selected jerseys, shorts, knickers and tights. All orders must be placed by Noon, EST, Sunday March 6.

http://www.bikecommutercabal.com/shop/

The pricing we offer depends on a minimum order of 10 jerseys per design. If you pay for a jersey that does not make the minimum, you may switch to a different design or receive a refund. So far, we have never missed a minimum order, but it has been very close. So to ensure your jersey gets produced, get all your friends to buy one also!

This is a pre-purchase program. The moderators are coordinating the effort, but we plan pricing to cover cost + shipping and do not make any money off this. We will give a full accounting to any purchasers who want to see the receipts after the jerseys are shipped. Any small overage we may incur will be used to support the costs of the website. 

Delivery of your purchase usually happens about 6-7 weeks after the store closes. So we are hoping to have everyone's purchases to them around the beginning of May.

Last year we were able to ship to all our Cabalistas living outside the USA without incurring any additional import duties or VAT. We expect to be able to do it again, but we do not guarantee the behavior of your government's customs agency.

Edit: The BCC Website is running slow right now. We have a help request in with our hosting service. Please be patient.
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VOTING IS NOW OPEN CLOSED!!!
We have our winners. Store will be open soon.

Like last year, we will be putting three jerseys and the Cabal bottoms into production. This post is to  select one previous "retro" design to go into production. 

While we don't police the voting, we would prefer that you only vote if you plan to buy a jersey should your choice prevail.

The reasons for limiting our production effort two two new and one retro jersey are shadowy and known only to the inner circle of moderators... as befits a Cabal. But you can safely assume that we are basing these decisions on lessons learned over the past two years.

We have Five outstanding designs from previous years - those that were in production last year are ineligible this time. Voting is open to any member of this community. You vote simply by +1. You may vote for as many as you care to vote for. The one "Retro" design that receives the most +1s will go back into production.

Edit: For any new members who have not participated in a Cabal Jersey order: the winning designs will be available in multiple versions: short/long sleeves, summer/winter weights, Women/Club/Race cuts. 

Please keep in mind that we don't do a traditional "production run." We do not keep inventory. The only jerseys that will be produced are ones that you and other members choose to pre-purchase. So, if you don't plan to actually buy one of these jerseys, you may want to sit on your hands and let others vote.

Voting will run for one week until Midnight Eastern (USA) Time on Wednesday, February 10.

Edit:
I have removed the three designs that did not make the cut. I will leave voting open on these until 3:00 pm Eastern Standard Time tomorrow, February 11, 2016. If, at that time, these designs are still tied the winner will be chosen at random. 

The random method is as follows: Google Finance reports the DJIA here https://www.google.com/finance?q=INDEXDJX:.DJI and it closes at about 4:00 pm EST. If the penny digit of closing price of the DJI as reported tomorrow (Feb/11/16) is an odd number, we are going with the Cabal Argyle  (the red and black one). If the penny digit of closing price is even, we are going with the Cabal Tracks (the green and black one.)
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2015 Jersey Reprint Competition
5 Photos - View album

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THE CABAL JERSEY LEGACY COMPETITION IS BACK FOR 2016!!!

In addition to the two new designs, we will be selecting one legacy design for re-issue. Voting on these will start in February. 

In the meantime, I will be occasionally featuring those legacy designs here as a way to keep interest in the competition high. Here is +Kent Fackenthall's Tire Tracks design from the 2013 collection.

Remember, you can submit your own design for the 2016 collection, deadline is Jan 31 and more information is here:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/109571447832791889872/posts/fKuYbztwXfz
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THE CABAL JERSEY LEGACY COMPETITION IS BACK FOR 2016!!!

In addition to the two new designs, we will be selecting one legacy design for re-issue. Voting on these will start in February. 

In the meantime, I will be occasionally featuring those legacy designs here as a way to keep interest in the competition high. Here is +mike quinn's Orange Hat design from the 2013 collection.

Remember, you can submit your own design for the 2016 collection, deadline is Jan 31 and more information is here:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/109571447832791889872/posts/fKuYbztwXfz
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In case anyone is curious, some yearly WordPress stats from the BCC blog. 106 countries! Wow!
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