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Crowd-sourcing a tongue-in-cheek article, and I need you all to be the crowd!

I was conversing with my buddy about ways to speed up modern RPG combat (mini-based mostly) and he instantly came up with this:

How to speed up RPG combat:
1. Play Palladium Fantasy RPG

It's fast, fluid, and has no minis, hence the joke. Haha.

What other great 'tips' can you think of to make your modern RPG experience (ahem) better? And by better, I mean worse. And by worse, I mean funny and telling satirical tips. If I get a bunch, I'll post 'em on TC with a link back to this post.
Emily “Syreene” Vitori's profile photoDavid Reichgeld (Tsu)'s profile photoBen Gerber's profile photoStefano Kewan Lee's profile photo
Give every character a rocket launcher and a reason to distrust the others. Involve money. By that I mean every player chips in $5. Last survivor takes all. :-)

Game should only take 30 minutes!
Play Storyteller...far faster, more fluid, doesnt require dice if everyone is groovy with that and again has no minis.
Initiative rolls for sessions that day are set by the order of arrival of the players to the game.
Announce that your high level party will be facing the greatest threat ever devised against players. Spray their minis with catnip oil. Let your cat in.
Use marionettes instead of minis and actually fight with them.
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