While hilariously funny, this clip asks a great question: How do women still go out with guys when you consider there is no greater threat to women then men. Yet there is this yearning from men to have women be "more approachable". What are your thoughts - and I will share mine... Louis CK: Dating - Oh My God
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The sides shouldn't be 'men vs. women' but those who think people who think others' boundaries must be respected and those who don't. Many women (and some men) quite rightly are very concerned about violence towards women. For a long time--and this still persists, though hopefully not as much--people made excuses for the rapist and the abuser, or even claimed that what they did was perfectly fine and good. If women weren't so likely to be victims of assualt, I assure you there would be much less "ballyhooing." Of course "women want to be treated equally," but they're not treated equally. The rape and abuse of men doesn't negate that, it just means that all of us have to work that much harder for a decent society.
One last thing: you decry blanket statements and stereotyping, but toward the end you say, "Quit making men jump through hoops to please you." Well, not all women do this (certainly not the ones I've dated).Dec 4, 2013
- Great commentary, sasmall1986. Not all women expect men to jump through hoops - and I would never advocate for that. And as far as taking responsibility for a relationship's success, you're right, it is both parties' job. I hope that through my coaching, I am helping people step into their own sense of power & responsibility in that regard (particularly the women I work with). And I will never, ever, ever agree with a statement that it's solely woman's responsibility to protect herself from sexual predators & violence. Given the statistics, my point is: if men want women to be more "approachable", then they have to participate in creating a culture where women feel safe to be approached.Dec 5, 2013
- tbh, idk about men wanting women to be "more approachable". if the man is handsome or rich or famous the girls gonna line up for him, without that he can be violent. We want each others, i dont think (or realize) that women actually thought about their safety when dated ,except for the traumatized one. Sure, women are usually the victim of ass-men, but not all men like that. Weaker men are also victims of stronger men, gays are victims of the straight men. See? we can play this all day long if you want to put it that way.Dec 11, 2013
- I guess the qualifier here is "all". Perhaps not ALL men want women to be more approachable - but I can tell you that several men in my singles coaching community have asked me this question. Which is why I blogged about it and then coincidentally found this great clip from Louis CK ... And you're right, not ALL men are violent toward women. And in reeverse, not ALL women will only date men who are rich and handsome - and if there seems to be a lot of women who feel that the only worthy men are rich and handsome, please send them my way so I can help them breakthrough that rather limiting and destructive belief.Dec 11, 2013
- well, i cant argue much about the men in your singles coaching community since idk them (ages, professions etc) but it seems to me that you kinda encourage women to shield up, to protect themselves from jerks (while somehow using the men in the community as the subjects of your observation). Which is fine, but i dont think its gonna solve the prob. I mean, how the screening process work if you swat off every single guy that comes in? How you differentiate the good and bad when they all look and act alike?Dec 11, 2013
- Because I work with people who are interested in long-term commitments (and not short term relationships) my coaching helps people identify their own personal, specific relationship requirements - what they need to experience in a relationship for it to be successful for the long-term. So any "advice" I give is not about "shielding up" per se but to be smart about the dating process and to screen out people who are not in alignment with their values. The top cause of divorce is incompatibility. So the key is to A.) know what you value most in your life and your relationships and B.) learn how to determine if people match up to those values by asking questions & doing some observing. Some of this can be determined pretty quickly. To those who are aware, the "jerks" become pretty obvious - time is valuable so why would you waste time on someone who is not right for you?
All that being said, women still deal with a lot of fear around letting their guards down too quickly. I read a statistic the other day that said One in Three women have been the victim of sexual assault. (And now I can't find the source, so I'll have to re-google it) -- and that includes the inability to walk down a city street without being harrassed. I know way too many women who have experienced this. I know a large number of women who have been felt up on the subway. I know several women who have had men flash their penises at them, while they were innocently waiting for public transportation. I also know someone who was literally chased down by a car of men.
In light of all of that, how would you approach all of this? What is your solution? What message would you bring to the world, to heal this situation?Dec 11, 2013