You and your party arrive at your inn at 11:30 PM. The inn kitchen is closed. The innkeeper mentions that in reasonable distance, the only places to find food this late are an Applebee's, a Denny's, and a shady gas station with Futurama-esque bathroom egg salad sandwhiches. There may be an open grocery store, but the innkeeper isn't sure. You are out of the rations you brought with you for your journey; suicide, cannibalism, and self-cannibalism are not options - do you go to one of the three horrible choices, or do you roll to "Detect Meijer" (note: the conference is taking place in Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, or Indiana)? Please make your choice.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE - YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
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