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Andrew Nicholson
65 followers -
Relationship and Emotional Intelligence Mentor
Relationship and Emotional Intelligence Mentor

65 followers
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I'm so proud of my wife, Diane, and the amazing 'Breakthrough Experience' process that we have developed for singles, couples and families. Here's a testimonial from Di's latest 1:1 client:

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed my time with you two; it has been so immensely thought-provoking! Pennies and pounds are dropping like rainfall and the past life regression you so gently delivered Diane, has opened up so many more links.

I wish everyone would explore their Enneagram using your model; I have experienced so much more peace this weekend at home smile emoticon Thank you both and lots of love. xxxxxxxxxx
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A reflection on Coaching vs Mentoring + Awareness

Having always had an interest in 'what makes us tick', over the past 30 years I have formally and informally studied many aspects of human behaviour and performance. As I write this, I have just turned 50 years young.

Upon reaching the age of 39, I came to the realisation that life wasn't going how I wanted it to, not that I had much of a plan. I experienced a year of intense frustration - post-divorce, post-redundancy, and at a time when it became apparent that I needed to change what I was doing in order to get different results - certainly from a relationship and a career perspective. I didn't know what I wanted to do - just that I don't want more of the same...

During this time, I re-connected with an old friend - I shall call him Ali. He had been through similarly challenging times. After listening to my tale of woe, he suggested getting into personal development (PD), in order to develop some new perspectives on life. I went along to monthly personal development groups in Birmingham and listened to a different speaker reach month on a wide variety of subjects including: health, wealth, positive thinking and relationships. This gradually helped me to reflect on my state of 'woe' and upon my potential for much greater things.

reflection ~
•The throwing back by a body or surface of light, heat, or sound without absorbing it.
•Serious thought or consideration.

These 'PD' meetings gave me the lift and the kick I needed. They opened up my thinking, got me focused on new possibilities and motivated to change. I had come across personal development a few years earlier; like so many people, I bought a few books and attended a few workshops. Yet, nothing much had changed - we call it 'shelf-development'. So here I was again, presented with an opportunity to change, learn and grow.

Although I liked the positivity, I was also somewhat sceptical about some of the 'hype' and also wary of the authenticity of some of the speakers. I wanted to see firm evidence of their success and not just that they had a positive vision and a plan to change/change the world. It is all too easy to be either sceptical, or taken in by hype. It is often hard to know which to choose...

Real Opportunities vs 'Snake Oil'

How do you tell a great opportunity and the right path forward for you to take versus hype, 'snake oil' and inappropriate or 'passed their sell by date' opportunities? It seems all to easy to be either overly sceptical or too gullable.

Scepticism is one of the causes of 'shelf-development' - an easy excuse/reason to do nothing or at least not put sufficient effort and intention into change and growth. Of course our ego - in the form of pride, significance, fear of change, laziness, avoidance of failure, anxiety, avoidance of anything hard etc. etc. provides us with plenty of incentives and excuses.

Conversely, being too open-minded and not critical-minded enough, can lead to us being taken in and somewhat duped to part with our hard-earned cash.

The solution to this conundrum is to know yourself and not to simply buy into or dismiss someone else's solution.

The point is - that it is their solution, not yours. It may or may not work for you. It may have worked for them then, but often such tales of success are also a tale of being in the right place at the right time - a time and place (e.g. that of early adopter of a business opportunity) that may now have passed.

This is where coaching and some 'tough love' can help us to get focussed and motivated. A good coach will (i) ask great questions to get us to associate with the pain and short-coming of not changing and will (ii) hold us accountable.

However, few coaches are sufficiently aware of the individual differences in people's personality, motivation, egotype, strengths and weaknesses.  Ideally, you need to be able to step into the coachee's model of the world and distinguish between real ands imagined barriers and also over-inflated/unrealistic aspirations. For that you need a knowledgeable mentor to help you to become far more self-aware.

Read the rest of this article here: http://www.connecttoyourpotential.com/a-reflection-on-coaching-vs-mentoring-awareness/
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The big ole moon last night in Culloden
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Dolphins breaching at Chanonry Point. Full set at https://www.facebook.com/HighlandPDPhotographyTours
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Want to create your ultimate intimate relationship? Here's our blueprint. Read more in our article on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/create-your-ultimate-intimate-relationship-heres-our-nicholson?trk=prof-post
or visit our website: http://www.thebestweddingpresent.com/
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Took some pretty amazing shots of the Milky Way and Aurora Borealis at the weekend - my first serious attempt at night time photography. Full set here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/awesomeandy/albums/72157657346405335
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How to Stop Being Manipulated. 
Manipulation is everywhere. We may think we see most of it, for example blatant bullying or over-zealous selling. In reality this simply isn’t the case. http://bit.ly/stopbeingmanipulated 
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So, #marriedatfirstsight.... In principle, I'm not against such a process. The question is - was there much of a process? The basis of the matching seemed quite academic and limited/one-sided. To match people mainly based on similarities is highly questionable. What about polarity? Chemistry is important yes, and harder to second guess. Helping the participants to really know what they want/would like/would work for them would have borne fruit. 

Three anthropologists, no relationship coaches and little obvious mentoring of these couples, until it was too late (in one case). Prevention is better than cure; having a therapist on hand to try to deal with problems is no substitute for much better preparation, self-awareness and emotional intelligence - up front. Some up-front mentoring on this and some tools and insight to get them through those #awkward moments and feelings would have helped. This is true for any couple and any time, never mind a blind marriage.

All of the participants could have been coached to help them over their fears, previous baggage and some pretty fundamental dos and don'ts, which without being overly prescriptive, would have helped the chemistry. Of course, this is just the start, there's a much deeper process.

In reality, most couples are strangers to some degree, as we simply don't know and understand ourselves. I am 50 today. I didn't start appreciating the need to grow up and understand myself until nearly 40. Then it took 3 years to really start to grasp it and another 3 to develop to the point of transparency and the ability to consistently get beyond ego into a true connection with my wonderful wife. We had to create this process and awareness for ourselves as it doesn't seem to exist elsewhere. It is certainly not common knowledge. We then had to adapt it to work not just for us, not as a prescriptive solution, but to work for any couple. 

In some ways, applying this process and awareness to complete strangers would be a far more interesting and meaningful experiment. It can be applied at any time. We have worked recently with several couples in their 60s, who have been married for 40+ years, as well as to fiances and fiancees.
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It was a privilege to share this journey with Di and her Mum, to experience both their bravery and their truth and courageous vulnerability and acceptance. Though sad, it was in many ways a beautiful and very connected time.
Saying goodbye to Mum...
Saying goodbye to Mum...
connectiontoconsciousness.com
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If you cannot truly see or experience yourself, then how can another hope to become deeply intimately with you, or you them?
Coating one's self in positivity may feel wonderful, but it's also pushing the shadow-side even further into darkness. A truly peaceful state is found when we are no longer fighting to keep our shadow down, no longer in denial that we even have one.
Acknowledge, understand and tame your shadow (it is not your enemy), and your inner-state has little choice other than to dissolve into tranquility.
Why deep intimacy eludes so many...
Why deep intimacy eludes so many...
connectiontoconsciousness.com
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