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Andrew Lyons



Andrew Lyons

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Orbiting the sun at about 93 million miles
is a little blue planet
and this planet is run 
by a bunch of monkeys.

Now, the monkeys don't think of
themselves as monkeys.
They don't even think of themselves as animals
And they love to list all the things 
that they think 
separate them from the animals:
Opposable thumbs, self awareness . . .
They'll use words like 
Homo Erectus and Australopithecus. 

You say Toe-mate-o, 
I say Toe-motto.
They're animals all right. 
They're monkeys.
Monkeys with high-speed digital fiber optic technology, 
but monkeys nevertheless.

I mean, they're clever. 
You've got to give them that.
The Pyramids, skyscrapers, phantom jets, 
the Great Wall of China.
That's all some pretty impressive shit . . .
for a bunch of monkeys.

Monkeys whose brains have evolved 
to such an unmanageable size 
that it's now pretty much impossible 
for them stay happy for any length of time

In fact, they're the only animals
that think they're supposed to be happy.
All of the other animals can just be.

But it's not that simple for the monkeys.

You see, the monkeys are cursed with consciousness
and so the monkeys are afraid.
So the monkeys worry.
The monkeys worry about everything,
but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
Because the monkeys desperately want to fit in 
with the other monkeys.

Which is hard to do, 
because a lot of the monkeys seem to hate each other.
This what really separates them from the other animals.
These monkeys hate. 
They hate monkeys that are different.
Monkeys from different places, 
monkeys who are a different color-

You see, the monkeys feel alone.
All six billion of them.

Some of the monkeys pay another monkey 
to listen to their problems.

Because the monkeys want answers
and the monkeys don't want to die.
So the monkeys make up gods 
and then they worship them.
Then the monkeys argue 
over whose made-up god is better.
Then the monkeys get really pissed off
and this is usually when the monkeys decide 
that it's a good time to start killing each other.

So the monkeys wage war.
The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet 
wired up to explode.
The monkeys just can't help it.

Some of the monkeys play to a sold out crowd . . . 
of other monkeys.

The monkeys make trophies 
and then they give them to each other. 
Like it means something.

Some of the monkeys think 
that they have it all worked out. 
Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche
The monkeys argue about Nietzsche
without given any consideration to the fact 
that Nietzsche
was just another fucking monkey.

The monkeys make plans.
The monkeys fall in love.
The monkeys fuck 
and then they make more monkeys.

The monkeys make music 
and then the monkeys DANCE
Dance, monkeys, dance.

The monkeys make a hell of a lot of noise.
Exhibit A
Monkey making noise.
And when he's done, 
five other randomly selected monkeys 
will rate this monkey's noises 
on a scale from one to ten.
At the end of the night, 
they add all the numbers up 
to see which monkey made the best noises.

As you can see . . .
these are some fucked up monkeys.

These monkeys are at once the ugliest 
and most beautiful creatures on the planet.

And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
They want to be something else.
But they're not.
Peter Goncharouk's profile photo
I agree , I'd rather be a chimp , than the group of monkeys I belong to.
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Not sure if this made the national News...
Four men who dumped three crocodiles in a Humpty Doo school remain on the run from NT Police.
Andrew Lyons's profile photoLala lololvulvanoodlesfork's profile photo
hee hee hee hee
i have to share
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Lala lololvulvanoodlesfork's profile photo
HA !
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U.S. defense spending is almost three times as large as that of the United States’ closest competitor, China:
The U.S. military is the greatest fighting force in the world, and likely to remain so for some time—worries about a decline are overplayed. But a long-term plan for modest growth in the defense budget is necessary reinvigorate the international order and check Russia and China long into the future.
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War with China

"...a war would be regional and conventional. It would be waged mainly by ships on and beneath the sea, by aircraft and missiles of many sorts, and in space (against satellites) and cyberspace (against computer systems). We assume that fighting would start and remain in East Asia, where potential Sino-U.S. flash points and nearly all Chinese forces are located. Each side’s increasingly far-flung disposition of forces and growing ability to track and attack opposing forces could turn much of the Western Pacific into a “war zone,” with grave economic consequences."

"The participation of Australian forces, because of their quality, could have military significance despite their small size."
A Sino-U.S. war could take various, and unintended, paths. Because intense, reciprocal conventional counterforce attacks could inflict heavy losses and costs on both sides, leaders need options and channels to contain and terminate fighting.
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Got my new Sony HiRes receiver today,
And very happy with it.
The sound quality is a noticeable improvement, as well as ask the nifty new network and internet features, like streaming from phone and computers. Tested on a rang of audio; music and movies.

Roisen Murphy - Overpowered
M83 - midnight City
Del the funky homosapian - future development
ACDC - Back in Black
Handel - complete symphonies
The highwaymen - highwayman
Miles Davis - kind of blue
Nirvana - smells like teen spirit

And a bunch of others. Some are not HiRes mastered, but they still come out sweet.

I do not have all the right hardware to take full advantage of its capabilities, but the 32 year old Bose Studiocraft speakers were still amazing. I discovered one of the wires to the bass speaker had come loose and had to solder it back together.

Awesome piece of hardware

Andrew Lyons's profile photoLala lololvulvanoodlesfork's profile photo
+Andrew Lyons I'm not listening !
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Search is on for 'golden spike' signaling start of Anthropocene
(—A working group of planetary scientists is set to formally address the 35th International Geological Congress this month on the issue of whether to declare that the Earth has entered a new geological epoch—the Anthropocene. If an agreement is reached that will likely set off a search for a "golden spike" to serve as the official start date. If all goes according to plan, there could be a formal declaration by the International Union of...
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Red headed centipede (Scolopendra subspinipes mutilans)

This one obviously came of second best against the green ants.
Lala lololvulvanoodlesfork's profile photoAndrew Lyons's profile photoPeter bartolozzi's profile photo
It's got no chance against the ants hey 
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What an interesting turn of events in Pahrump, Nevada... Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. 

Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground! 

After the brothel burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer." 

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means." 

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and vociferously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise. 

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit."
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Sarah R's profile photoPeter Goncharouk's profile photo
Funniest thing I have read in a long time . So it's all fun and games until someone loses a whorehouse . Sounds like Sodom and gomora all over again .
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Cashew tree (Anacardium occidentale)

I am assuming this is not indigenous to the island. Not sure how to prepare these for eating. Will ask around. I love cashews.
Peter bartolozzi's profile photoJason Phelan's profile photoAndrew Lyons's profile photo
+Jason Phelan excellent thanks for that
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