It's a return to the golden olden days in this Report ep as Suzy brings us good ol’fashioned reporting on tech news and sitreps from her new grungy underground bolthole.
Leading off with exciting news of new kit, Suzy says shiny new capsules allow “bulk transfer of inventory amongst agents” and can be loaded and unloaded multiple times. Whether you took the green pill or the blue pill, you’ve been waiting a looong time for this! Poor Suz must be on something though as she fails to mention that as yet these puppies can’t be hacked. So, don’t be hanging’n’ hacking on street corners for this score, coz unless you can get a passcode from The Man, you are going cold turkey. Capsule candy may be gained by a few prostituting #Ingresswear designs, but for now that seems to be about it. Hook us up already already, Suzy, we NEED these capsules to cure inventory ills!!
Recursion is soooo last week, but what has happened since to KlADA and Hank Johnson? Did the oddest-of-the-odd couple steal the Sweet Ride and go all "Thelma and Louise" on us? If Suzy knows, she ain’t telling, and instead sets us up for the The Next Big Thing by going all rhetorical: “What about Jarvis’ warning that artificial intelligence will only lead humanity to destruction, or is such technology the world’s best hope against shaper imgression?” Pffft, what do you mean, Suzy? It's not like my smartphone will take over my mind and my life or anything...oh wait…
Nevermind, moar pixels will die in the next big battle series between machine-luvvys and alien-groupies for the hearts and minds of humanity, as the next anomaly series looms. Yes, #Interitus is here - the first anomaly series with a name that sounds like an unfortunate illness! It surely isn’t as sexy-sounding as Cassandra, but think of the advantages, agents… you won’t even have to lie when you tell the boss you can’t come into work as you have an operation for Interitus!
Then Suzy brings us true story time from the wide, wide world of Ingress! Did you hear the one about the three intrepid frogs who chartered a plane to a remote island portal to make a field for the LA anomaly, only to have three smurfs hire a boat, piloted by a stunt driver, and crash the party?! Awkward!
Moar nautical naughtiness with Operation Spinnaker in which the blue dudes covered parts of France, Luxembourg, Netherlands and Germany in a series of fields and scored heaps of MU. And there must be something in the water as Operation Emerald Flood deluged California, Nevada and Arizona with Smurftears by covering 200,000 square kms with 72 million MU’s worth of green fields. Huzzah!
Some switched-on Mad Man has told Suzy to "give the people what they want" so she reminds us to send in our sitreps and share our Ingress stories. She wraps up with a pep talk as obtuse as Nostradamus on Mary-Jane: “But even now the world of Ingress is changing at a rapid pace. What will it take to stand out as an elite agent in the days and months ahead? Only time will tell.”
But Suz, unlike L8 accounts and bursters, time is one thing money can’t buy! Life is short, unless you are Hank Johnson, so don’t make us wait too long for dem fancy multi-drop capsules and meaningful game enhancements so desired and beloved by now banhammered agents! A good game is a fast game, and nowadays agents want Adapt / Advance / Create / Future / Harmony, WITH Speed Bonus!
The Ingress Report Report, watching the Ingress Report so you don’t have to, every week
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