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Alex Mayo
4,648 followers
4,648 followers
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:(

I apologize for the alarming post this morning. I'm experiencing some pretty terrifying mood swings and this morning was a bad one. I feel better now but...it's a roller coaster right now.

I'm a very angry person, but the way my brain works I direct it inwards and it metastasizes into catastrophically bad self-loathing and despair. Which in turn is kind of a pretty vicious reinforcement loop. I still don't know how to break out of that; I was seeing a therapist last year and was making some progress...but then I lost my health insurance and my meds and therapy went out the window. I've sorta catapulted up and down ever since.

Anyway, this morning was a really bad dip. I'm sorry.

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Thank you, retail therapy.
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I've been pretty quiet on the mental health front lately.

Been dealing with some really awful, and I'll say it - sometimes debilitating - levels of depression and melancholy for the last month or so. Usually I experience periods of Hypomania that balance it out but this has been persistent...sometimes low-level, sometimes bad enough to make me suicidal.

But I'm still here. And I'm not going to let this shit beat me.

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"What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. That is my ambition, based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion. Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me."

— Vincent van Gogh
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Anyone care to take a look at the current state of the rules and give me feedback? Comment below and I'll add you to a private thread.

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$10 Half Price Books haul.

Grabbed Tales of the Vulgar Unicorn because it was the only Thieves' World book I didn't have a backup copy of and this one is actually in pretty great shape.

The Hammer's Slammers books are replacements for books I lost when I left Ohio. I actually had volumes 1 and 2 of the Complete Hammer's Slammers but Vol 2 was one of the books I had with me in the psych ward in 2015. It was in a bag of other books and stuff I had during my stay and I asked my mom to throw the whole thing out because I couldn't bear to look at any of the contents. I still have Vol 1 though. Anyway, nice to have the paperbacks again...and at a fraction of the cover price ;)
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Posted earlier on FB - figured it was worth asking here.

Is publishing an RPG thru Game Crafter an act of madness? The side of my brain that loves chits and bits for tracking things is dragging this Twilight: 2000 revamp into 'boxed set with some cool components' territory and I see Game Crafter has a lot of options available.

I suspect, however, the end product would end up costing $5,000 per box of which I'd get $2.
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