Creative Thinking: Fear is the ‘engine’
Although we usually do not realize it, fear is the spring behind most of people’s actions. Fear determines their attitudes because it conditions their minds. The way they act is its direct consequence. The majority will certainly disagree. Try to tell them that their behavior is generated by fear. “I… afraid of something? By no means! Afraid of what? I do not fear anything!” This is probably what anyone would say. Sure, sure!
But fear “is” at the root of every negative thought and behavior. Examine yourself for a moment and reflect. Are you the jealous type? If you are, you justify your jealousy by making it appear as a characteristic or consequence of love. “I care,” you say. Is it not rather the fear of losing your beloved? Or the awareness that, if you are left alone, you will feel lonely, impoverished, inadequate? Wouldn’t you feel that you cannot live on your own, that you cannot or won’t go on with no one by your side? So, isn’t it fear that makes you anxious, that pushes you to always want to be with someone, to feel that, in a way, they “belong” to you and that they will never leave you?
If, on the other hand, you are someone who attributes too great an importance to money, it means that you were brought up believing that money alone can grant a happy, comfortable life to you and to your family. Couldn’t it be that you are afraid of being unable to make your dear ones happy, and that is why you need to make up for such spiritual insufficiency with riches? Another scenario might show that, deep inside, you are afraid of poverty, of not having enough and that is why you need to earn more, to save more, to “have” more.
Another example. If you are too sure of yourself, if you tend to behave like a dictator and impose your will, you are afraid of not being respected enough by others in case you show your true nature, your doubts and weaknesses. The reason behind such feeling is the fact that you do not have enough self-confidence, that you do not trust yourself. If, instead, you are too shy and easily influenced and manipulated, it is a clear sign that you fear being neglected or ignored. This makes you take everything from others, even abuse, just to be accepted, just not to be abandoned, just to have the feeling that you “belong,” that someone cares for you.
If, starting with yourself, you carefully examine some characteristic of the human behavior, you will find out that fear is the real “engine” that creates an imaginary world in front of people’s eyes. In order to set yourself free, to be who you really are and to live as you should. i.e. more serenely, first of all you need to accept your fears with humility. Only when you are able to say, “Yes, it is true. I am afraid,” will you start to realize the deception you have created in order to grant yourself a fictitious security blanket. You shall then understand that you do not need to be jealous in order to keep love – provided that such sentiment is sincere from both sides. You do not need to wear yourself out to earn more money – once you have enough to feel “secure.” You will realize that what your dear ones want is your time, affection and availability.
Become finally aware of the lie you founded your life upon and dare to admit your weaknesses. Do not be afraid of being criticized or negatively judged by others: they, too, are scared lambs just like you! If you can find the courage to show them how (who and what) you really are, most likely they, too, will drop their “masks” and show their real faces.
by Elsa Franco at Saudi newspaper "Arab News"