I propose that we gather up the authors of apt, yum, cpan, cran, pip, gem, pear, pecl, npm, bower, composer, "go get", "puppet module install", and every other dependency-resolving package management repository ever.
We invite them all to a little conference, see. Each one gets to make a one-hour presentation on the unique advantages of their particular choices of syntax and semantics. Then we hand each one a weapon and lock the doors. The bloody battle royale continues until only one is left alive. Then we all standardize on that person's model of dependency specification and live happily ever after.
Either that, or someone needs to write a package manager manager smart enough to say things like "oh, phpunit's authors are having a playground spat with pear, so decided to take their ball and go home. You need to use wget to install the latest version, which isn't compatible with nodes/php puppet module so you'll need to switch to mayflower/php, but that one uses the same name for the redis client as the redis module uses for its server, so you need to take redis out of pear and install php5-redis through apt instead, which isn't available in Ubuntu LTS 12.04, so you need to upgrade to 14, but be careful not to pick up the newer version of npm which disables self-signed certificates or everything will stop working."